Learning to tell the truth, when you have learned how to pretend, is really, really hard.
It is hard to overcome old patterns of coping–denial, distraction, avoidance, worry. It is hard to admit that you are not okay. It is hard–and very humbling. Some days I find myself falling back into old habits instead of fully owning my present. Some days I find myself pushing others away to avoid real intimacy.
As I wrote this blog, I found myself Google searching “animals that pretend to be tough.” Ha. I learned that some species practice deimatic behavior–when they lack strong defenses, they will bluff to distract or run off a predator.
The spirama moth, upon opening its wings to avoid a would-be hunter, resembles the face of a snake. It is a bluff, of course. It’s not a snake: it’s a moth–delicate-winged and easily swallowed whole!
So, how can we differentiate between setting healthy boundaries with others and fear-based posturing?
2nd Corinthians is chock-full of wisdom about vulnerability. Chapter four of the book likens human beings to jars of clay: vulnerable. Prone to breaking. Having a limited lifespan.
The chapter also states that there is treasure in these jars of clay. We are God’s treasures. He treasures our hearts.
We may turn to other verses to better understand our worth in God’s sight, truths to speak when our self-esteem is wavering:
- We were chosen before the very world was created (Ephesians 1:4)
- God lovingly knit us together in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13)
- We are wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)
- We are precious in God’s sight; he tells us he honors us and loves us (Isaiah 43:4)
- He loves us with an an everlasting love; his thoughts towards us are full of lovingkindness (Jeremiah 31:3)
- He knows even the number of hairs on our heads–that is how much he cares for us and how intimately he knows us (Luke 12:7)
God treasures us, and the Bible is full of soul-affirming words intended to leave no doubt as to our value.
We are so loved, in fact, that Jesus Christ, God’s son, gave his life in order to reconcile us to God and allow us to experience real intimacy with Him.
Clearly, vulnerability, which lies at the heart of intimacy, matters to God. Relationships matter to God. We were designed to live in close relationship with God and with other people.
“You are restricted in your own affections… Widen your hearts.”
—2 Corinthians 6:12-13
It seems to me that the end goal of all Scripture is to promote the Gospel by promoting a radical view of love: one that is expansive and accepting.
In my opinion, we must first understand–and believe–that we are inherently lovable before we can effectively love others. This is where vulnerability comes in. It is only when we cast off shame that we become freed to simply be who we are. It is then that we can experience a more abundant life: no pretending.
We can be vulnerable, the key to intimacy, while setting healthy boundaries–crucial for good relationships–when we esteem ourselves.
This freedom is found in God–and our acceptance of his radical acceptance of us!
The Still Small Voice 
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